I would have told you so, pinky swear

All this talk about Adrian Peterson, and still no mention in the media of the steroids he is obviously taking. The obvious picture is an old fashioned black whuppin’ that got out of hand because Peterson is obviously taking steroids. Obviously. You know it must be true because Google won’t pull up any suggested endings for “Adrian Peterson steroi”, even though “Adrian Peterson steroids” brings up more than 100K hits. If Google is trying to keep it quiet, it must be true.

I’ve been making a lot of correct predictions wrt the ongoing NFL fiasco (and no incorrect ones yet), but they’ve all been spoken aloud to kin and kith rather than written. So I can’t say “I told you so”, but I can say “I would have told you so, if I’d made the time to do so”.

So far…1) The Vikings vs. Patriots game would be an embarrassment because the Patriots would be able to keep 4-8 players in the secondary at all times (no running threat -> four interceptions for Cassel, the Vikings’ sacrificial lamb) 2) Peterson would be reinstated to the Vikings after the owner realized how much money he was going to lose, 3) the NFL would throw a hissy fit and the owner would back down and pull Peterson again, 4) everybody’s taking a much closer look at the cost of the new Vikings stadium, courtesy of taxpayer dollars and nepotistic contracts.

My next predictions, if they haven’t happened already, is that Adrian Peterson and the NFL commissioner will be the new sacrificial lambs to keep the money flowing. It’ll come out that “OMG, these players are juicing, and therefore violent, but the rest definitely aren’t”, and the domestic abuse thing will be swept under the rug, and the racism angle (why are we only suspending black players?), and Roger Goodell will be ceremonially fired in a manner not unlike casting a virgin into the mouth of a restless volcano.

About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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4 Responses to I would have told you so, pinky swear

  1. Heaviside says:

    Funny, in my country we usually threw Christians into volcanoes. Are you sure you heard right?

  2. Heaviside says:


    Straight outta Alpha Complex.

    All of these weapons for the taking, but does anyone have the will to deploy them?

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