My ebola plan

H/T Tex, as usual.

If ebola hits the states, my current plan is to contract it as quickly as possible. On the one hand, say it’s a genuine outbreak. Immunity through infection is the best defense and I don’t want to live in fear, and if I catch it I want to be in a hospital while there are still beds and saline available to give me a fighting chance. Then I can be a volunteer superman, working on patients with no PPE or administrative overhead, and that’ll buy me a lot of social capital in the police state (of emergency). Plus, a healthy body has a better chance than a starved and dehydrated one, and you’d better believe that quarantines are going to change your nutrition profile.

On the other hand, say it’s not a genuine outbreak. It’s okay sir, I have this card that says I’m already immune. And hey, curious, what’s in those needles? Oh, WHO vaccine #990021, yeah that’s the one I had. Don’t you think it’s weird that everybody’s hair is turning green and their noses are falling off? I know the vaccines are totally safe, I’m just saying it’s weird, is all.

About Aeoli Pera

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5 Responses to My ebola plan

  1. Heaviside says:

    We love you ebola-kun! Make Eugene Terre’Blanche proud!

    If she ever comes to the States I’m going back to the rice paddies and stocking up on figmas.

  2. Pingback: Addendum to the ebola plan | Aeoli Pera

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