Yeah, I was dumb. This is the first time I’ve gotten sick this year, and it’s broken my perfect work attendance record since…I dunno, 2010 or 2008 or something?
I know how to avoid getting sick, and I knew there were several bugs going around, so it’s entirely my fault. Given that Minnesota is absolutely over-ridden with disease (often literally), I was picking up a lot of overtime to cover for sick coworkers. I’ve also been sleeping poorly since the big Thanksgiving celebration with my family threw a wrench amongst my well-oiled habits. On top of that…I haven’t been eating my vegetables *ducks*.
So I’ve got strep. And everyone in my life is bothering me to get on a run of antibiotics. WTF? I’ve had strep three times before and no one’s ever breathed a word about going to a clinic. My strategy, and general consensus, was to sleep a lot and otherwise loaf around until it’s gone. My opinion on doctors is roughly parallel to my opinion on vaccines. I wonder if the sudden appeal to authority is due to the general atmospheric increase of fear.
Some looking around on the internet predicts that strep goes away after 3-7 days. On antibiotics, it goes away after…3-7 days. “But, but, but,” they say, “Strep can spread and cause infections in the heart, lungs, kidneys, etc.” First of all, why didn’t this seem important enough to mention five years ago when I was getting sick five times per semester? But I digress. Second, antibiotics have risks of their own, such as the possibility of permanent gut damage from wiping out the helpful bacteria. “Oh yeah, oops, I guess you should take probiotics after the 10 days of antibiotics.” Again, did this not seem important before my objection? But I digress.
(Oh, speaking of digressions, I’m making a point of sharing the joy with various hipster coffee shops in uptown. Victor Hugo describes the denizens thus: “Any richer and you’d call them dandies; any poorer and you’d call them layabouts. They are quite simply the idle.” If ad-hoc biological warfare on enemy civilians were illegal or illicit, “Obola” would not be a word.)
It seems that rather than choosing between a miracle cure of Modern Scientific Medicine and the ignorant voodoo of a witchdoctor, I find myself choosing the lesser of two evils (one of which is endorsed by AUTHORITY, which is in parentheses here because it ought to be parenthetical). Should I risk permanent gut damage (hereafter referred to as the Koanic Soul strategy), or risk flesh-eating bacteria?
Let’s review the case. I know that when I’m eating and sleeping properly my immune system is stronger than normal, by virtue of working on a daily basis, hands-on, with literal feces and staying healthy far more often than my co-workers (who often subside to illness from flu shots). On the other hand, my gut is more robust in a general sense than the average thal but less robust than the average sap, as tested by my college experience. Though I suspect most people are exaggerating their college travails (they’re like fish stories- I’m the only person I know of who has actually pulled 45 all-nighters in one semester, but you’d think that was average), I can personally attest to my inability to thrive on a rice-and-stolen-pizza diet. Personal confidants may recognize that I’m speaking euphemistically.
I’ve meandered a bit, and so it’s time to meditate on what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, praiseworthy, etc. What’s the treatment plan endorsed by Aeoli Pera ©?
Well, the main thing is to rest and let the body work. I trust my immune system more than I trust well-meaning idiots, of whom an abundance flock to the healthcare industry. (Can a smart doctor survive in the land of checklist heroes? Scholars have yet to settle the debate.) To this end, I took a little break from coffee. I was back up to three cups on most days, so after quitting I immediately enjoyed two 12-hour nights and had some fun dreams too.
I’ve also been eating a lot of chili. Aside from making red meat palatable to a strep-ravaged throat, spicy food and onions are both antibiotics. Onions especially. I enjoy imagining the little microbes screaming in pain while I’m swallowing a chunk of jalapeno.
Honey too. Honey is a miracle food if ever there were one. Aside from being another natural antibiotic, it’s a salve you can drink- and it homes in on the throat wall like a pain-seeking missile, completely muting any irritation. When it stops working, you can take another sip of tea (or coffee).
Vitamin C megadoses. Almost goes without saying, but anything that actually goes without saying these days gets replaced by SJW bullshit.
Last- and I haven’t yet tested this- I think moderate liquor intake might be a good idea. No modern doctor would even consider prescribing whiskey (puritans all, and don’t you know that in one study 71% of a sample of 7 people who drank alcohol died within 50 years?), but I hear there’s a folk remedy for general colds where you drink cheap whiskey and green tea and endure one night of fever. They call this “sweating it out”. In any case, we use alcohol to sanitize everything else. Why not throats? I say moderate intake because alcohol is also a general poison and I don’t want to weaken my system. It’s fighting hard for my happiness, and I want to encourage that sort of thing in my subordinates.
The most annoying part has been the brain fog due to fever, general fatigue, and caffeine withdrawal, but that’s already abating on day three. There’s other stuff about natural cures out there on the internet, if you’re interested.