Wind sprints

I have gotten alarmingly out of shape in the last two months. Usually it is a chore to put on weight, but I’ve grown a layer of fat on my belly that feels like some kind on parasitic alien clinging to my skin and sucking away my manly virility. Having measured, I can in fact confirm your fears that I have become less virile. But I rationalized away my sedentary routine as temporary and necessary, lacking the time to exercise. Even my walks had been excised for extra time on homeworks and lab reports.

Foolish! Of all people, a red piller should know better.

People on the internet sometimes think my IQ is higher than I make out because they only see the best I have to offer, which due to the phenomenon of genius is far beyond my typical capabilities. Well, let me tell you that, like my rediscovery of carbohydrates, it took me a month and a half to remember that I can get all of my daily exercise needs in a few minutes of wind sprints. It’s not like this is some kind of discovery for me either- I’ve done these before. And it is an activity that fits neatly into my morning routine before a shower, although exercising in the morning sucks balls. So really I’m just dumb.

Here is my method:

1. Jog very slowly for 20 steps. Count out every other step up to 10.
2. Sprint for 20 steps. Count out every other step up to 10.
3. Repeat 1 and 2 four or five times, then rest until bored (2-3 minutes).
4. Repeat 1 through 3 three times.

It’s like doing a heavy bag workout. One minute sounds easy until you try it.

Studies have shown that this will Aeolinize(TM) your cell membranes and increase your sperm count. Using just wind sprints and a rigorous digital stimulation program, I was able to cure my prostate cancer at home without the help of any so-called doctors with their Big Pharma. And the Jews with their gummint taxes, am I right? WAKE UP SHEEPLE

Anyway the important thing is that I just did this for the first time and hopefully I’ll keep it up because being unhealthy feels awful. My gums are actually sore from running, how sad is that?

Refer to recent post on exercise for more context.

About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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