How do I start apologizing for how I’ve been acting?
Yeah, I know the edgelords out there have been getting a real kick out of it. Show’s over. Looking back, it’s clear I haven’t been quite healthy. Who threatens to murder people over the internet over copyright? Maybe I should relocate the blog to Tumblr until I grow up a little.
And even if I could come up with all kinds of psychological jibber jabber to explain away what I did (and we all know I surely could), it doesn’t change the fact that I was fully in control of myself and rational. The fact is that I thought it would be a good idea to lash out to make myself feel better. Yeah, it’s all about me, and nevermind the people I’m trying to hurt (sure, it’s just words on the internet, which responsibility I am clearly not qualified to handle).
I should know better. I may not be the best or brightest Christian of all time, Lord knows, but this shit is not complicated. Nothing matters in life except sin and forgiveness. Jesus didn’t preach about good sense and pragmatism and how everybody should go to church on Sunday, he preached hellfire and damnation.
Sometimes it’s not about psychology or healthy or unhealthy. I just got angry and then gave myself permission to get out of hand. This is not a new or mysterious phenomenon in need of a 10,000-word diagnosis. The hooting monkey shit didn’t start yesterday.
None of that is an apology. Yeah, I also know you aren’t supposed to apologize anymore because whatever. Bite me. How do I go in front of the judgment seat with all this on my heart?
I have been acting like a child. You will have to take my word for it that I’ve repented and I’m taking steps to make sure this doesn’t happen again if there is anything that can be done to avoid it. You were very patient and your magnanimity was inspiring when I mischaracterized your run-in with Stoddard. You’re right, I don’t know what happened, and it’s not my business anyway.
I will be adding some commentary to the original post in case anybody sees that without seeing this. You can suggest any kind of restitution that you think makes sense and if it is in my power to do it, I will.
I humbly ask that you forgive me. I would not expect you or anyone else to forget. That would be foolish.
If there’s anybody else who needs an apology you will have to pipe up because I don’t remember lashing out at anyone else particularly.