A coping tactic for shy bladder

I have previously wondered aloud whether shy bladder is correlated with SSMV. It makes sense, after all, that the top dog in the pack will mark his territory wherever he pleases, and vice versa.

Anyway, that is neither here nor there. If you have this horrible affliction it is like having your own little Holocaust every time you need to use a public bathroom. But at least you can usually wait for the stall or wait for everyone else to leave, so it’s probably not as bad as those guys who can only poop at home, which could be compared to having your own little gulag.

But I’ve found I can actually override this and pee right next to weird strangers like a normal person, even without dividers between the urinals. I do this by overwhelming my sensory processing faculties with some extreme feat of imagination.

My favorite is to come up with an improvised piano song, and then bring up as vivid a picture as possible of the guy playing it. It’s not too difficult to imagine a dude playing piano, but where it gets tricky is trying to sync up the motions of his fingers, hands, and swaying body with the song you’re making up as you go.

Another one is to imagine what the other side of the wall must look like, combining deduction and educated guesses to come up with various building materials, wiring, and plumbing. I don’t like this one as much because it keeps me too aware of my surroundings, so it only works if I have to go pretty badly anyway.

Hopefully you get the idea from that. Try to get out of the moment as much as possible by daydreaming. It absolutely has to include a vivid visual element because we have huge visual processing centers, compared to the other senses. It doesn’t work every time or in every scenario- long ago I went to the bathroom at a baseball game and there was just this big trough and about forty dudes jostling for position. But it’ll get you about 80% of the way to normal functioning.

Weird aside- apparently I go to the bathroom way more often than other people, both numbers one and two. Sometimes I wonder if this is related to the fact that I never suffer hangovers.

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About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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11 Responses to A coping tactic for shy bladder

  1. Heaviside says:

    I have 0 SMV and 0 problems urinating in public.

    • Heaviside says:

      My best guess would be that they encountered some sort obstacle. They were willing to consider making boats and trains out of concrete, and they must have known about Ford’s hempmobile.

      More importantly, I bet historians a hundred years from now will say that they did win.

      • Aeoli Pera says:

        >My best guess would be that they encountered some sort obstacle. They were willing to consider making boats and trains out of concrete, and they must have known about Ford’s hempmobile.

        If anybody on the planet can make a “best guess” on this subject, I believe it is you.

        >More importantly, I bet historians a hundred years from now will say that they did win.

        You’re on. One million dollars, winner collects on November 13, 2115.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      Yeah but my money still says your amygdala is weird somehow.

  2. Edenist whackjob says:

    I’m never in the moment, so I don’t have this problem. Heh.

  3. lflick says:

    “The Rambam (aka Maimonedes of Cordoba) said you had to piss at least ten times a day if you wanted to be a good sage. He also said you should keep your stomach in a constant state of near-diarrhea, which is not to be confused with a near-constant state of total diarrhea, which is the way of the stomachs of scoundrels worldwide. It is also important, according to the Rambam, to keep yourself clean. That is why I’d wash my hands every time. Even though doing so made people think you got some piss on your fingers. Rambam was a wiseman.”

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      You know, it strikes me as a very wise thing to have strong and precise opinions on the most important and basic matters in life, pooping and pissing being high on both lists.

  4. j says:

    i have this problem bad.
    used to be really embarrassed. nowadays i just stopped giving a fuck. just wait as long as it takes.
    can’t even be assed to do the mental gymnastics necessary to make myself look normal.
    they can laugh and snicker; we’ll all be dead in a hundred years so WGAF.
    wish i could get off this fucking space rock. kappa.

  5. Aeoli Pera says:

    I believe all of that except the assertion that I am living more in the moment than the rube next to me. I am perpetually in La La Land. This is not to say I am never in the moment, but it is very difficult for me to sustain unless the moment is extremely interesting.

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