Either I have attributed splitting to the deepsock/occ divide mistakenly, or I am experiencing a different sort of dysfunction this semester.
Here is why: For the last couple of weeks, my face has felt very strange, as if my right eye is moving higher up my face. I am becoming paranoid that my bones are shifting to become asymmetric. The right side of my body is consistently warmer than the other side, particularly my right ear. This is what’s convinced me that the problems I’m having right now are from corpus callosum dysfunction. A friend of mine had a younger brother who was born without a corpus callosum. When he was embarrassed, his right ear would turn bright red because he would only blush on that side of his body (the “embarrassment” module is in the rear-left of the neocortex).
With this has come a great deal more confusion and disordered thoughts, where I’ve lost both my powers of focused reasoning and intuition. With this comes memory problems at all levels- working memory, purposeful recall, associative recall. I’ve been making lots of weird mistakes: switching out related words (like “city” where I want to say “state”), Curiously, the entire manifestation is a great deal like Justin Lowe’s suicide note: many parts seem like they’re written by a functional person, but if you step back a little bit the whole narrative is laughable. (At the time I said “He was either psychotic at the time, or on the wrong end of a decades-long conspiracy to delay one of his records by framing him for pedophilia. Or I guess maybe both.”)
I’m actually feeling a bit better this afternoon (fish oil helps tremendously, and I have a lot of food now), but it’s like using an old computer that’s starting to throw out weird error messages. Looking forward to the mental reboot when school is finished- just two more weeks! Fuck me though, never this shit again.