About three weeks before the semester was over, I realized finishing the degree was a mistake. I was serving other gods (Mammon, or maybe Moloch nowadays), and this was probably what destroyed my psyche even more than previous semesters. Sin will do that. But it didn’t make sense to quit at that point, so I stuck it out. The brain damage will heal, plus I got much more insight into the whole “splitting” thing that I’ll be sharing in the next post. Can’t say I beat the odds but my prediction of 80% odds of success was a bit optimistic. Maybe 60% in retrospect.
At this point I’m looking at about 50% odds of becoming a high-functioning white person as defined at altrugenics (two-car garage, two kids through college, all that rot.)
I managed to graduate with a decent GPA, and now I’m back with my parents until they get frustrated and kick me out. Right now we’re on good terms though, it’s amazing how I’m no longer the family’s black sheep all of a sudden. I don’t think anybody believes me when I say this education bullshit is all just a state-endorsed religion by another name. Well, it is. Leftists worship intelligence even as they claim not to believe in it. (But then how would they be better than you? Fucking pussies.)
I’ve gone back to the plan of taking the actuarial exams because I’ve proven to myself that I can learn and apply uninteresting material in the absence of motivation, via psychological tools and tricks. Meantime I’m looking for medium-term work that’ll keep me fed. Far as I can tell actuaries are in higher demand than engineers and despite what everybody tells you, there is nothing else you can do with a math degree except teaching and government work (sorry about the repetition). As appealing as it is to get lost in the bloat, I’d rather not become part of the problem unless the alternative is a more direct form of robbery.
Also in the meantime, I’m getting in shape. Twenty pounds overweight and I’ve never hated myself more. It inspires me to hate truly fat people in a way I’d never considered before. How do you live with yourself? Twenty pounds of fat and I’ve never felt more pathetic.
The summer regimen worked very well so I’m not going to change anything: four days lifting, two nights of pickup basketball. If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve changed addresses 25 times in the last decade (!!!), I’d probably be benching 450 by now. Atomization is a real bitch.
Speaking of, I’ve got a new mantra for my goal of helping geniuses out. “Life gives you atoms, make molecules.” Fuck you, I like it. Anyway, it’s about damn time I got back to business on that.
That’s it for retrospectives this year. Five and ten year financial plans are still relatively on schedule. Conscientiousness is still the fulcrum for the whole business, so that’s the virtue I’ll continue pursuing.