Cheap liquor

I mostly drink beer now, but there are times when only liquor will do. I can’t handle most liquor now because it’s too sugary. So clearer is better. That means my choices are gin or vodka. You might as well buy the ones on the bottom shelf because they taste basically the same.

If you only have six dollars to spend, don’t buy the six-dollar whiskey. Buy the six-dollar gin or vodka. Good Whiskey is wonderful, but bad whiskey is a blasphemous lie from Satan.

Bottom-shelf generally means cheaper. If you want the best bang for your buck, go as low as you can. But did you know there’s a shelf below the bottom shelf? If you go to the store’s owner and say “filter” backwards (retlif), he’ll take you to the secret basement. In the basement, there’ll be an old elevator shaft. Don’t say anything in the elevator, just take my word for it.

It’ll take you down to an abandoned mine. This is where people get the idea the earth is hollow, these are everywhere. Nobody knows where they originally came from. You’ll see a shelf in this mineshaft with liquor on it. This isn’t the bottom shelf though. There’s a trapdoor behind it.

Climb down the ladder, you’ll find a single shelf with a single bottle on it. When you pick it up, a young boy with a coal-darkened face, forgotten by the world, will appear and ask, “Are you sure?” Give him two-pence and he’ll say a prayer over you.

In conclusion, that’s how you find the cheapest liquor xD. (H/T Glenn)

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About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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11 Responses to Cheap liquor

  1. Rime says:

    I love me some bourbon. Knob Creek is my go to, I drink liquor rarely enough that I buy midshelf. Straight no chaser, sometimes with an ice cube or two, sometimes not. Schnapps is my preferred distilled beverage. Difficult to find anything of quality outside of Central Europe so I distill my own on Thanksgiving weekend. It’s of variable quality. When it’s good it’s some of the best.

    Beer is a gift from God and the Reinheitsgebot is His divinely revealed Law. It suits my taste perfectly and Bitburger is the best of the Pilsners. I don’t much care for IPAs. I will enjoy the occasional stout or porter, especially if it’s Great Lake’s Edmund Fitzgerald!

    I have trouble keeping the cheap stuff down, the first two years of college were miserable. For a good example try Hawkeye Vodka, only $11 for 1.75 liters!

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      >I love me some bourbon. Knob Creek is my go to, I drink liquor rarely enough that I buy midshelf. Straight no chaser, sometimes with an ice cube or two, sometimes not.

      Damn straight.

      >Beer is a gift from God and the Reinheitsgebot is His divinely revealed Law.

      Preach, brother! *seizure*

      >For a good example try Hawkeye Vodka, only $11 for 1.75 liters!

      Lol, just lay back and think of the savings xD.

  2. Can I buy the boy and teach him coding instead?

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      You won’t find him unless you call out his true name in the deeps. If you get it wrong, something…else…something other comes. But his name was lost many years ago.

      If you absolutely must, ask the liquor store owner. You aren’t the first, so he’ll warn you, but he’ll tell you what he’s learned from the others who’ve tried.

      Also in one account the boy is Swedish, so it’s possible he already knows how to code and went to the mines seeking improved work conditions.

  3. The cheapest vodka is the moonshine you make yourself. But, it’s actually not that bad if you know how to do it right. So there’s a wonky curve there.

  4. Koanic says:

    If I quit smoking you can quit drinking.

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