I mostly drink beer now, but there are times when only liquor will do. I can’t handle most liquor now because it’s too sugary. So clearer is better. That means my choices are gin or vodka. You might as well buy the ones on the bottom shelf because they taste basically the same.
If you only have six dollars to spend, don’t buy the six-dollar whiskey. Buy the six-dollar gin or vodka. Good Whiskey is wonderful, but bad whiskey is a blasphemous lie from Satan.
Bottom-shelf generally means cheaper. If you want the best bang for your buck, go as low as you can. But did you know there’s a shelf below the bottom shelf? If you go to the store’s owner and say “filter” backwards (retlif), he’ll take you to the secret basement. In the basement, there’ll be an old elevator shaft. Don’t say anything in the elevator, just take my word for it.
It’ll take you down to an abandoned mine. This is where people get the idea the earth is hollow, these are everywhere. Nobody knows where they originally came from. You’ll see a shelf in this mineshaft with liquor on it. This isn’t the bottom shelf though. There’s a trapdoor behind it.
Climb down the ladder, you’ll find a single shelf with a single bottle on it. When you pick it up, a young boy with a coal-darkened face, forgotten by the world, will appear and ask, “Are you sure?” Give him two-pence and he’ll say a prayer over you.
In conclusion, that’s how you find the cheapest liquor xD. (H/T Glenn)