Edenism in FF7

Put on your fedoras kids, There Will Be Autism. Instead of Vivaldi we’ll set the mood with an autistic troll:

A cursory examination of Final Fantasy VII produces a vaguely New Agey, environmentalist message with lower-case ‘e’ edenist tendencies. Woke AF red pillers will see that Jenova = Jehova and Sephiroth = Talmud = Joooooos. Manna is teh pipline ohnoes.

But readers of this blog know the Nips have been down with neanderthal theory since at least 1995. I’ll demonstrate why the obvious interpretations are untenable, and then provide my allegorical cipher, and use this context to show how the Advent Children movie actually makes a lot of sense.

The new agey paradigm has such poor resolution that even the Less Wrong types get it.

Broken Aesop: The original game had an environmental message about the Lifestream and humans abusing the planet’s natural resources to the point there was the chance Holy would see them as a threat and destroy the species. Materials set after the game, namely On The Way To A Smile, mention that people don’t like using Mako anymore because they learned this message. Instead the more “environmentally friendly” fuel of choice people are turning to is … oil.


“Save da erf”, not even wrong. Environmentalism in a nutshell, if you think about it. Just don’t eat your seedcorn and let the earth take care of itself.

In the Jew/Aryan paradigm, Sephiroth is the Rothschilds and Cloud is the Ubermensch, fighting to secure a future for Deviantartists to render Aryan waifus in wheatfields.

Jenova would then be the 2,000-year-old, tripartite, meteoric desert god stealing priest jorbs from red-blooded American pagans. This perspective works right up until you start thinking about the relationship between Zach and Cloud. I mean, what was the deal with that whole “false consciousness” thing, anyway? And why is geostigma caused by the lifestream and then healed by it?

I started to finally untangle all of this when I was watching the Crisis Core cutscenes and asked myself “Why do Sephiroth (and Kefka) only have one wing?” The answer is simple in retrospect: it’s because their ancestry is half-human, half-divine.

But wait, which side are the creators on? They seem to agree that the Roffschilds’ pedigree traces back to heavenly descension, and yet the identity-confused Aryan wins? This story doesn’t make any sense when you dwell on it a few minutes longer than Pepe mindset allows.

Here’s what I think:

Lifestream, mako, and materia = Genepool, culture, and conceptual memes
Geostigma = Corrosion/disease caused by deleterious Nephilim admixture
Sephiroth = Ancient melonhead, circa 15-30 kya
Jenova = Talmudic Lilith death cult (see also: Mammon machine in Chrono Trigger, Freudian death drive, Utilitarian anti-natalism)
Reunion = The genetic desire of Nephilim remnants to coalesce and reconstitute the original, “divine” race
Shinra = Luciferian Zodiacism (see also: Overwatch theory)
Cloud = Cro magnon/EMH, a cheap copy of Sephiroth created from human stock with Jenova cells
Zach/Aerith = Neanderthal males and females
Tifa = Sapiens backbreeding stock

For the both of us… you’re gonna… live. You’ll be… my living legacy.

-Zach Fair

This is getting long so I’ma split it into parts. Have some fun with this filter and we’ll compare answers.


About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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8 Responses to Edenism in FF7

  1. Pseudorandom Bypasser says:

    There’s that spiral again.

    • Ophiucuck says:

      When in doubt about anything, just refer to my innovative, paradigm-shifting “Four Ss of the Apocalypse” model:

      1. Spirals
      2. SCALE
      3. Sheenies
      4. Socialism


      Synergy Clause, sec. 1A: The meaningless upper middle management dickhead corporate automaton non-word “synergy” may be freely substituted at the user’s discretion for any of the original four listed words, with the exception of “sheenies”, which may not be substituted for or otherwise replaced at any time.

  2. Heaviside says:

    And yet you continue to deprive us of a proper Esoteric Let’s Play:

    Are you really going to let a total dweeb like Kantbot beat you at this and monopolize the next great content frontier?

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