The problem with neopagans, expounded

Inspired by a rant from the original nobilid:

Super Mario, a white male made by japs, seems to be the best compromise.
As much as I enjoy shitting on jap cartoons in favor of western super heroes, can you really trust them in this day and age? Would I feel safe letting my family watch the latest super hero movie? No, of course not.

The only way western heroes can redeem themselves would be the next blockbuster plot being super man, spider-man and batman teaming up with the “villains” to bomb western universities and beat up everyone at a pride parade, but that’s not gonna happen. Heck, are they even white anymore? This is where the japs shine, their autism is unshakeable, Mario appeared in 1981 and he is still a white straight male.
An amazing accomplishment in this day and age.

Western heroes were bred for war propaganda and in peace time, to promulgate the values of the west. Today they are spearheading the rot that is infesting and decaying the west. Thanks guys.

The original batman and his values, (see the instruction manual), can probably only be found in a bootleg chinese factory, together with Robert Cop and the rest of the gang. A bit physically distorted sure but still on the job.
This is starting to resemble some form of religio-political osmosis with a planet of the apes like ending. Why can’t I just have normal super HEROES?!?! Why did they all turn into Captain Sweden.
The collective nerd rage will soon power the first fusion reactor.

This is why we can’t have idolatry. If you can’t turn to Jesus at least turn to Mario for now, he is a wholesome guy with good values, unlike his western fucknut counterparts.

Globalization Means Everything Breaks At Once

This requires a bit of understanding. Goethe’s great(?) contribution was to recognize that the secular humanism which enlightenment thinkers were so proud of was actually a harbinger of Western cultural death. His plan to revive the West (without something so yucky as Christianity…eww, just eww!) was to resurrect the ancient European gods and thus replace Christianity rather than simply removing it, similar to Julian the Apostate’s project.

Now, combine this with Chris Knowles’ thesis that Our Gods Wear Spandex. The fascist American propagandists of the early 20th century were looking for a way to reintroduce these pagan values and gods as substitutes for Christian culture and a good alchemist never lets a crisis go to waste. Commenter Steve explains why this didn’t actually work:

The thing that makes paganism worse than useless is nobody believes in it.

Do fat, middle aged Wiccans with mystic crystals in their fannypacks really believe in magic? Really? No, no they don’t. If they did, they wouldn’t need to drive cars or visit doctors or hold down jobs.

Do internet nazis really believe that Odin and Thor and all the rest of the Aesir gang are living it up across the Bridge Bifrost? Naw, it’s just silly LARPing.

So even aside from theological concerns, it fails the most basic test of being a viable religion: actual, sincere, unironic faith from its supposed followers.

Nobody’s going to risk life and limb defending the gates of Vienna for a cartoonish pseudo-religion that’s less credible than an episode of ThunderCats.



This is because people who are into social engineering think everybody else is also LARPing their faith for the health benefits. “Everyone lies for effect” = I lie for effect. It never occurs to them that religion could be something other than an evolutionary group adaptation, but actually describe real things. That’s their big mistake, and it’s why psychopaths only have fake charisma. If you want to be a prophet, you have to believe your own narrative- and I don’t just mean goodthink affirmations and the power of thinking big, I mean Real Actual Adult People Belief like “I believe the mall is on the northeast corner of fourth and central”.

If you get your religion from the alternative history literary equivalent of Harry Potter, don’t be surprised when your temple meetings look like Comic-Con.

I already gave my medium-hot take as to why the early Harry Potter books were such crossover hits, breaking out of the Little League of children’s fantasy novels and becoming hugely popular among adults, but I’ll disobey Occam’s Razor and offer another mostly unrelated hypothesis about why Harry Potter stories are such useful allegorical material for contemporary liberals, aside from a general hunger for myth and meaning in a post-religious age.

Harry Potter, especially the movies, is about the legitimacy of authority that comes from schools.

Spotted Toad
Getting Your Owl

If this rant pisses you off, cast one of your hexes on me and see if that makes you feel better. Remember, if it doesn’t work that just means you aren’t believing hard enough.

About Aeoli Pera

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20 Responses to The problem with neopagans, expounded

  1. As usual I’m left thinking that you’re absolutely correct 110% and I want to believe that I believe what you’re saying… but…

  2. Vejiortan says:

    The “neopagans” who don’t really believe in their gods are (in this regard) the same as “cultural christians”. There is no reason to further dwell on this issue, for these people aren’t even authentic.
    It should be noted however, that there are “pagans” /”heathens” who do believe in their gods – but in a different way than the christians do. A “god” is an archetypical energy of this world – just like, say, modern physics acknowledges 4 “fundamental” forces determining the course of events in their physical models, so do these men acknowledge several “fundamental” forces determining the course of events in our world – and they call these forces “gods”. Odin is not an entity representing creativity, Odin is creativity (or an aspect of it). And does anyone claim that creativity isn’t real, or that it isn’t a mighty force in this world ?
    Courage, justice, wisdom, fertility, love, cleverness – these are “fundamental” forces of human physics. And their reality is of far greater importance than that of some specific men and women.
    Because different people can have different kinds of abilities and tendencies (different kinds of creativity, courage etc), they have different gods.
    So if you are a creative northern european man, than Odin is part of you – no matter what your religion is. And you worship him by creating and innovating.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      We’re about 95% agreed on all that.

      >There is no reason to further dwell on this issue, for these people aren’t even authentic.

      As a matter of policy, inauthentic people require shaming.

    • kensuimo says:

      This seems like an excellent example of the aforementioned fauxcippital cognition style- distinct axes, linear algebra, comparative ratios, etc.

    • Koanic says:

      Sounds like more of a personality system than a religion.

    • Edenist Whackjob says:

      Why not just go full-archetype then and just call it Creativity, War, Life, etc? Rather than Oden, Tyr, Freja, etc? Why is it necessary to antropomorphise these vertical aspects of existence? Does it activate the pagan’s mirror neurons somehow? Or what?

      • Vejiortan says:

        They went full archetype. The name “Wotan” sounds very much like the German word for “angry” (wütend). An old norse word for “‘mind, wit, soul, sense'” is connected to the word “Odin”. Odin’s ravens are called “mind” and “memory”.
        These aspects weren’t anthropomorphized, it is the other way around rather. One cannot even begin to understand what “man” is, without knowing these archetypes.
        Of course, in order to communicate the knowledge of these archetypes, stories and metaphors are required.

        Tacitus (one of the very few pre-christian textual sources on the germanic people) wrote about their religion :
        “The Germans, however, do not consider it consistent with the grandeur of celestial beings to confine the gods within walls, or to liken them to the form of any human countenance. They consecrate woods and groves, and they apply the names of deities to the abstraction which they see only in spiritual worship. ”

        Another translation :
        “They conceive it unworthy the grandeur of celestial beings to confine
        their deities within walls, or to represent them under a human
        similitude: [67] woods and groves are their temples; and they affix
        names of divinity to that secret power, which they behold with the eye
        of adoration alone.”

  3. Boneflour says:

    On the one hand, some people believe in their pagan stuff enough for actual sacrificial offerings:

    “I sacrificed goat ‘to wilderness god’ and drank its blood, admits US politician Augustus Sol Invictus

    ‘I know that’s probably a quibble in the mind of most Americans…I sacrificed an animal to the god of the wilderness.'”

    On the other hand, the fact that actually following through on your pagan beliefs freaks people out and “makes wiccans look bad” agrees with your thesis 100%.

  4. bicebicebice says:

    Tis a high honor indeed to be featured on “da blerg”.

    … so thats why sjw-shitlibs have turned to “harry potter worship” to combat the neopaganism they consider right wing? The kicker being they all belong to the social media cult of Narcissus and none of them are sincere, of course.
    Protestant western europe is the super mario compromise. Abrahamitic religions are not considered white man invention after all (even if they were 100% proven to be of their loins) and will lack the “coolness” of paganism, what christians accuse pagans of, empty religion, the pagans also acuse the christians of.
    “well it doesn’t matter because jesus is the sun god god son sun so its all the same hehe hurr durr”

    I guess it all comes down to how much autism you need to run a society. The more grown-up would say less is more, the more less grown-up would argue that more is more.

    “If this rant pisses you off, cast one of your hexes on me and see if that makes you feel better. Remember, if it doesn’t work that just means you aren’t believing hard enough.” it is better to be pissed off than to be pissed on, part 2 please

  5. mendicant says:

    By your standards Plato’s republic is an injunction to LARPing.

    It’s very hard for a smart, reflective person to literally believe a religious doctrine simple enough for the left side of the bell curve to digest. (Koanic’s comment here is quite atypical of the high-IQ population.)

    But social stability is probably impossible without seriously dumbing things down for the worker bees.

    Prophets are only effective if they can persuade and control the masses. You’re right about believing one’s own narrative, but by my reasoning most such prophets are idiots. Smart ones are quite rare: in the past century only Gandhi and Hitler come to mind. For each of those, dozens of demented Jim Joneses.

    Prophetic rule strongly promotes idiocracy and/or chaos, with rare exceptions. Hence we must LARP for civilization’s sake.

    Also, the Odin business as it was historically practiced fits better into my theory. Odin was the god of the elite warriors and poets, who understood him as a cosmic force. Common folk worshipped (literally and unironically) Thor and Freya; the one-eyed sociopath terrified them.

  6. Akuma says:

    I thought Alt-Hero was supposed to stop all the marvel faggotry?

    • Akuma says:

      O/T I got talking to a thal musician earlier. The guy devised a way to learn music with mathematical equations. As we veered into woo territory I realized the reason aspies probably seem off is because there auditory ossciles are vibrating differently. This in turn causes their brains to decode the words differently. They dont pick up on the status cues like sapiens does. Hence why the saps dont like when an aspie speaks in their monotone voice. The tone offends the hierarchy.

  7. Pingback: Analysis of paganism as I understand it, and its subtypes | Aeoli Pera

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