Corporate is purgatory

Only a cockroach could work in these conditions. Luckily, I AM THAT COCKROACH.

tqko7ebgj0

This is one of those funny-but-serious things. I don’t know who convinced women you could find life satisfaction in work but I want to hire him to sell Thalforce. (Speaking of which you might want to stock up, supplies are limited and Grimoire was released, so ITZ happening.) I don’t want to shit on my great life success—it’s just bad form for the King of Omegas to black pill his subjects. But I do want to complain a bit, so please understand this is just venting and not an indictment of MASSIVE INCLINE. Some of the details will be disinformation to make doxxing difficult, but it is not misrepresentation.

On a daily basis, 80% of my time is spent copying text out of a form field and pasting it into an Excel spreadsheet. There is nothing I’ve done in the last month that could not have been done automatically in less than a second by software written by someone who’s read the first half of a “Java for Dummies” book. But no, everything is forbidden. The software I use on a daily basis, written by a company with a 98% Indian workforce I might add, is only set up to process queries one line at a time. There are no batch jobs. My access is restricted so heavily by IT admins that I can’t perform basic job functions, and I have to go to my boss’s boss to do some of these queries for me. It sometimes takes me a week to quote prices to customers because nobody knows what they are. And that’s for relatively scarce goods! According to basic economic theory, this shouldn’t even be possible. Tentatively, I call this phenomenon “price entropy”.

This theme, information security to the point of uselessness, generalizes to every single thing I do at work. Practically speaking, there is nothing in life I can’t do, up to and including theoretical physics. There are only things that I’m not allowed to do by my conscience, by the chain of command, or by that very frustrating commandment to honor my parents.

It results from a culture of massive distrust and uncertainty throughout the company. This all stems from a seedy history, which I shall outline for general interest.

We’re a German transplant company with a global market, spun up from a garage by a 95-year-old dark genius using a ruthless theory of business that, presuming you can grok the mathematics, basically just says to target competitors and eat them one-by-one rather than competing. Business is not war and a scorched earth policy is not good for the economy, neoconservative broken window fallacies notwithstanding. So I highly respect our founder’s intellect and I expect his company will do very well in our 2nd-world nation, but he is ultimately a high-ability cancer and a real country would shut us down in a heartbeat.

The founder’s son and heir is not a genius by any stretch and is harmless on his best days. His former secretary is now the CEO of the American division of the company, wink wink nudge nudge, and she is ANYTHING but harmless. People around here, hundreds of miles from the corporate headquarters, are hesitant to say her name, much less criticize her openly. I would not be surprised if she has an honest-to-goodness network of spies. One time, a guy I know made her niece mad and HR went through his company car’s GPS records and found some data they could use to accuse him of smoking inside the car. The niece has since been promoted to the director level of something or other, which would provoke a nepotism policy violation to HR if the CEO hadn’t already filled HR entirely with her family members. If only her ability to play politics were matched by her ability to make technical decisions, we might be able to do business. But no, she calls ALL of the shots, they are ALWAYS wrong and no one will EVER tell her so or even suggest it to someone else except in hushed voices away from the cameras.

So with all this mess and inefficiency, you’d think the company would collapse because capitalism. But no, business is booming! Because of the optimism boom following Trump’s election there’s so much money flying through the air right now I wouldn’t be surprised if we’d bought a hotel or two by accident when we’d only meant to rent the lobby for a day. Meanwhile there are hundreds of us lower-middle class wage slaves doing what clerks have done for centuries, copying numbers from one account book into another by hand, one line at a time. I have an abstract cast of mind and can see how this must play out, and it’s very black pilling.

If I took any pride in my work, I’d kill myself. IF.

Advertisements

About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Corporate is purgatory

  1. Aeoli Pera says:

    You’re putting out a lot of these. This is good because I can knock out a lot of listening material during copy/paste time.

  2. Edenist Whackjob says:

    You’re in the situation I was in x years ago.

    What I did: transferred to the IT department of that company, got my first CV-worthy experience as a programmer, quickly advanced from there in other companies. 2 years later, I was a contractor running my own show.

    If you’re smart, you’ll be able to pick up whatever lang they’re using in the IT department, whether it’s JS, PHP or .NET (ah, the memories).

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      I’m looking more into CAD these days, with an eye on possibly entering a subfield in electrical engineering that particularly interests me.

      • Mocheirge says:

        CAD is a good field for general employability. Lots of applications. Some suggestions:
        -Find a small engineering firm. It may be a “Corporation”, but with only a couple dozen employees, the atmosphere is less stifling than purgatory.
        -Community college courses are cheap and can give you an idea of what constitutes “good practices”. Learning how to draw lines on a screen is easy and less important.
        -BIM is great for spergs. Lots of a tiny details to document/coordinate. Super fun to create a virtual building complete with electrical conduit and circuits.
        -Try to avoid jobs that involve lighting. It’s soul-sucking monotony and not too different from copypasting data from one DB to another.

        Email me or bother me on gab if you want any other impressions of electrical engineering and CAD.

  3. Son of Distant Trebizond says:

    I haven’t been especially impressed by the intellects of the theoretical physicists I have met; I have no doubt you could contribute significantly more than the average scrote in that field.

    Anarchotyranny’s a bitch, though. Avoid fluorine, resist Luciferianism!

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      >I haven’t been especially impressed by the intellects of the theoretical physicists I have met; I have no doubt you could contribute significantly more than the average scrote in that field.

      Damning with faint praise :-).

      >Anarchotyranny’s a bitch, though. Avoid fluorine, resist Luciferianism!

      Win more bigly!

  4. Welcome to the Labyrinth my friend. Emerge with Medusa’s head for maximum magic powers.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      Can’t look directly at it, it’s made entirely of SNAKES! (Dr. Peterson, please pick up the white phone…)

      • Once you get used to it it’s not so bad. These kinds of people run this playbook mostly:

        http://cchrstl.org/documents/beria.pdf

        The whole ‘Middle Class job’ thing is like Winston’s work at the Ministry of Truth and is designed to weed out crime think amongst the most aspirational of the proles. Only the most well trained are then allowed to hold the King’s winkie when he takes a piss.

        BTW my LinkedIn is so based now that this stuff appears in my feed, while the head of digital transformation at HSBC just added me as a connection yesterday. Generally don’t take it too seriously is the key you have it right. Just meditate and smile. Literally just smiling as warmly as possible and nodding has gotten me out of so many sticky situations.

        Smiling is one of Thal’s best offensive weapons because those lacking self control will be forced to reciprocate and the colour of their smile with give away whether they want to kill you or not. Generally they will bear teeth or give a tell, often signing a cheque that they cannot pay. Then you begin to build up your little pile of Kompromat chips to bet with later.

        Anyway… that’s if you want to be an asshole. Probably better to just be the Dilbert. Up to you.

        • Aeoli Pera says:

          >Once you get used to it it’s not so bad. These kinds of people run this playbook mostly:

          Very interesting link, but I’m concerned that it may be an invention. There’s a little too much praise directed toward Christian Scientist ministers…sets off my bullshit detectors.

          >The whole ‘Middle Class job’ thing is like Winston’s work at the Ministry of Truth and is designed to weed out crime think amongst the most aspirational of the proles.

          I told an SJW I support Trump. It was a dominance move that I’d advise against in general. But some risks are good.

          >Only the most well trained are then allowed to hold the King’s winkie when he takes a piss.

          >BTW my LinkedIn is so based now that this stuff appears in my feed, while the head of digital transformation at HSBC just added me as a connection yesterday.

          Still not tired.

          >Literally just smiling as warmly as possible and nodding has gotten me out of so many sticky situations.

          I can’t fake smile, it’s horrifying to behold.

          >Generally they will bear teeth or give a tell, often signing a cheque that they cannot pay.

          The average IQ is high enough that my coworkers value intelligence along with social dominance, so they tend to be more intimidated than predatorial.

          >Anyway… that’s if you want to be an asshole. Probably better to just be the Dilbert. Up to you.

          I’m doing kind of a pre-Gandalf thing right now, if that makes sense.

          • > I can’t fake smile, it’s horrifying to behold.

            Learn to smile any time. I can manage to find something humorous in even the most horrifying situations. But I’m also quite fair and nice about it. It’s like this mix of sadism and niceness is quite refreshingly medicinal to many situations.

            > The average IQ is high enough that my coworkers value intelligence along with social dominance, so they tend to be more intimidated than predatorial.

            Yeah makes sense. Wait until you have to deal with real snakes and fucked up owl melon cromag hybrids just being sadistic af all the time. One boss literally told me that to be a leader you need to think like a guy from a horror film who meticulously lures in unsuspecting victims in order to torture them to death. He still fucked up trying to get me fired though the fucking bozo.

            > I’m doing kind of a pre-Gandalf thing right now, if that makes sense.

            Yes it does.

  5. Akuma says:

    “There is nothing I’ve done in the last month that could not have been done automatically in less than a second by software written by someone who’s read the first half of a “Java for Dummies” book.”

    Yeah, but then they couldnt blame the THAL that is you when shit goes south. Scripts crash a lot of times. Especially Java. Thats why they have scripts to clear cache. Or sometimes they just crash. Its funny to watch a script disapper on one desktop and be working perfectly fine on the one next to it. View the copy pasting as meditation. I bet you spread the work out so you dont get caught not working too.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      >Or sometimes they just crash. Its funny to watch a script disapper on one desktop and be working perfectly fine on the one next to it.

      I wish our problem was that the software was not working as designed.

      >View the copy pasting as meditation.

      Plenty of listening material on the internet.

      >I bet you spread the work out so you dont get caught not working too.

      Worse. I forgot to complain about this: the work I do is for a cranky customer who’s basically trying to automate a process that can’t be automated, so all of it is for naught. I space out the work 1) because it just creates more work, and 2) because the more I accomplish, the worse it will fail.

  6. Lazer says:

    You guys can help with my Tye Dye business. You meet a lot of cute girls, learn proper socialization, and party while you work.

  7. Sammykid says:

    Get on Skype soon my friend.

  8. bicebicebice says:

    Haha gratz on a “real” “adult” “job”, those are so great you dream of becoming a NEET. Be wary of women in the workplace, they are far more dangerous than men.

    • Akuma says:

      Yes, and No. Aeolis Aspie so he clicks off their “Hes a mysterious guy” circuits. Plus hes a jacked THAL so they feel safe in his presence too.

      Pro-tip bro, share some animal stories. I once had a great female IT technician help me with a lot of troubleshooting because I own a cat dissection monograph. However, she was a conservative female so if the chick is a liberal be more wary. Always remember this line too: “Pull the fucking camera tapes then.”

      • Aeoli Pera says:

        >Yes, and No. Aeolis Aspie so he clicks off their “Hes a mysterious guy” circuits. Plus hes a jacked THAL so they feel safe in his presence too.

        Both of these are true, and I’ve been unironically described as a wizard due to the intuitive leaps I make regularly, But I’m not quite at the point that people want to be around me, because Low Energy, so still not quite Alpha WINNING Sigman yet.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      >Haha gratz on a “real” “adult” “job”, those are so great you dream of becoming a NEET.

      I want to go back to pizza or McDonald’s.

      >Be wary of women in the workplace, they are far more dangerous than men.

      Luckily this field is hard and offers no prestige, therefore nobody cares that it’s 95% men.

      • Boneflour says:

        The NEETanderthal longs for home.

        The upside is now that you know exactly how retarded everything is, there’s no doubt that You Can Do Eet!

        For example, you can make a list of contacts and positions and start selling consulting services. “Hmm, after 40 hours of in depth analysis, our firm’s conclusion is that the manager that hired us made some really great decisions. We will need to book another week to analyze if his idea to do X will pan out.”

        The key is understanding that the world is a broken piece of shit and loving it anyway.

        • Boneflour says:

          Perspective is nice too. Anyone remember gibbeting? I sure don’t!

          http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-incredibly-disturbing-medieval-practice-of-gibbeting

          “In England, gibbeting (also known as “hanging in chains”) peaked in the 1740s, even though it was officially mandated later by the 1752 Murder Act, which required bodies of convicted murderers to be either publicly dissected or gibbeted. Between 1752 and 1832, 134 men were hung in chains. It was formally abolished in 1834.”

          “The chains, the gibbet cages, are person-shaped and they are designed to hold the body together and hold the body into the shape of a person—and there are other features of the gibbet that put it into this really creepy zone between living and dead.”

          Man, remember when political prisoners were guillotined or thrown into work camps without trial, on the flimsiest of accusations? Now they just kick you out of coffee shops and stop selling porta-potties for your public gatherings.

          Still a little shitty, but it’s nothing to lose your head over.

          • Aeoli Pera says:

            I would bring back the gibbet, contra the article’s assertion it’s a very effective deterrent. If it weren’t, would we still be talking about it? Put one single muslim body in a gibbet and “refugees” will discover that they can ignore their sexual emergencies instead of raping children at public pools. But I suspect torture is more likely to come back into fashion instead, and I oppose that development wholeheartedly.

        • Aeoli Pera says:

          Well, Christians are supposed to hate the world but still love the people in it somehow. I have one of those down perfectly, still working on step 2.

  9. Aeoli Pera says:

    I will probably read this whole book, the subject interests me.

  10. ThalMelon says:

    Just keep grinding until you can transition into something better. I’m currently working a shit job, saving for a CAD course and cert. From there I will probably grind my way into a lab. Who knows.

    Thal Lyfe™®©

  11. The upside is now that you know exactly how retarded everything is, there’s no doubt that You Can Do Eet!
    I can’t fake smile, it’s horrifying to behold.

  12. TechEbook says:

    I can’t fake smile, it’s horrifying to behold.
    Learn to smile any time.

  13. I can’t fake smile, it’s horrifying to behold. CAD is a good field for general employability.

  14. leroyjhunt says:

    I can’t fake smile, it’s horrifying to behold.
    Learn to smile any time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s