Feminism and dogs

I can’t help but draw parallels from dog ownership to modern humans and the nanny state.

Backstory: I’m living with my sister and brother-in-law right now. They have two little dogs that are (probably) a mix of poodle and Scottish terrier. (Both have 100% white fur too, master mutts confirmed.) They live a very sedentary lifestyle because both owners are professionals and work long days, and so they stay confined to the living room most days with walks every other day or so. My sister pampers them when she’s around and her husband is a beta male. Sad!

This correlates with a curious development regarding sexual dimorphism. The female dog has become a fat, entitled alpha female. If she doesn’t get what she wants, she’ll do this high-pitched bark like someone is stepping on her leg over and over until they give in. The problem, of course, is that it has always worked before. I’ve tried telling my sister that we don’t negotiate with terrorists, but so far she’s unwilling to go through the hassle of it. In a way, I understand. This last weekend I put the bitch outside and ignored her pleas (except for a bit of mocking through the screen door) and it did that bark nonstop for six hours in a row.

The male dog is a scrawny, clingy, Freudian hot mess of a beta. I think his goal in life is to scramble back inside his mother’s womb and curl up in the fetal position until he dies of old age. He gets extremely anxious if the other dog is on my lap and he isn’t. While the female will quickly get bored of petting and go exploring for novel stimuli, he is never more than a foot away from a human. He just follows, stares at you, and mugs for attention.

Thinking this would not do, I’ve been doing some basic training, running them a few miles per day and giving an introductory course in Pavlovian psychology. They’ve taken to running like fish to water and they’re already pulling at the leashes, where before I could keep up with the sprinting and beat them for distance easily. The bitch now understands that I’m the pack leader, even if she doesn’t like it, and that it’s against the rules of fetch to bite the other dog’s leg if he gets to the ball first. In my opinion, they are both significantly less mental, although the underlying sexual dysfunctions are probably stuck for life. The male has more confidence and the female understands she is not in charge.

Two interesting phenomena came out of this, regarding the subject in the title. First, rather than biting the male dog (while she knows I’m watching), the female will take out her frustration by mounting him and compulsively humping him. As I understand it, transgender identity issues don’t typically translate to dogs. The second interesting thing is that the beta male dog now sleeps with me, while the alpha female prefers to sleep with my sister and brother-in-law.

Advertisements

About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Feminism and dogs

  1. mobiuswolf says:

    Humping is an attempt to enforce dominance. He’s changed packs and isn’t having any, demonstrated by the fact he challenges her for the ball.
    Try growling at her, like a gorilla grunt and put some feeling into it. I bet she’ll back off him.

    He’s in trouble when you leave.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      >Humping is an attempt to enforce dominance. He’s changed packs and isn’t having any, demonstrated by the fact he challenges her for the ball.

      Good insight.

      >Try growling at her, like a gorilla grunt and put some feeling into it. I bet she’ll back off him.

      I just have to walk toward them. At most, putting a little edge in my voice does the trick. But I wait a little longer than I should because the behavior fascinates me.

      >He’s in trouble when you leave.

      I disagree on that point, I don’t think dogs are vengeful.

  2. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    The beta male sleeping with you is an example of trans species male bonding. He has never had a buddy and you fill that need.

  3. Boneflour says:

    +1 lulz confirmed

  4. Aeoli Pera says:

    Androgyny can apparently be expressed in as many traits as sexual dimorphism.

  5. Aeoli Pera says:

    Damn dude, you read hella fast.

  6. Aeoli Pera says:

    MAGA Mindset is short but 120 pages in an afternoon is pretty damn fast.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s