Updated melonhead origin theory

No office hours until September 11, then I’ll be back on 7-8 PM every day…eh, most days. If you have a time set up already, remind me and I’ll make it happen somehow.

Prerequisite reading: 1, 2.

Nottuh’s contention is that melonheads are extremely progressive homo sapiens. There’s a lot of sense in this because they had chins and disproportionate expansion of their parietal bones, which are traits particular to modern humans. Archaic humans of all (known) stripes had very flat skulls in comparison with us today, and lacked chins. On the other hand, it seems unlikely to me that cro magnon would produce giants with long facial indices.

So I propose that melonheads could have been produced by hybridizing Swiderian shamans from the upper Caucasus with post-hybridization cro magnon man in, say, Canaan. Modifying the theory this way retains the astrology cult and giantism from Denisovan navigators without assuming they were all that smart, because the Swiderians and post-hybrid cro magnons could easily supply the cranial capacity and parietal elongation. On the other hand, it means the melonheads would have to be relatively recent hominids, as anthropologists reckon time. We’re talking between maybe 20 and 6 kya, which probably can’t be reconciled with Tex’s volcano nukes. Maybe blame Toba on ancient aliens.

On the other hand, it’s pretty easy to fit this updated theory within the Garden of Eden myth (Adam = neanderthal, tree of gnosis = denisovan, Abel = Brunn, Cain = cro magnon “Canaanites”, Seth = Swiderian Brahmin, and Gilgamesh = melonhead) and the legends of Aryan hunter-gatherer conquerors ruling Canaan, Egypt, and India before slave revolts drove them to the new world and the Pacific islands.

As for the Clovis people and all that stuff…I have this idea that normal people tend to go south over time and crazy people tend to go north. So this hybrid race probably split up early on, with the stress-tolerant personalities heading to sparsely populated Europe and the socially competitive personalities heading for heavily populated tropical climates.

Edit: It occurs to me that this also fits the Chrono Trigger timeline pretty well. Figure denisovans for the lizard people and Anhasa for 14 kya global civilization, aka Atlantis.

About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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21 Responses to Updated melonhead origin theory

  1. Zoronn says:

    Would you be an Atlantean Restorationist then?

  2. You’re getting closer ;)

    -Betelgeuse

  3. kensuimo says:

    North/south…or polar/equatorial? There may be physical significance to the distinction extending beyond climate effects.

  4. Pingback: Those poor fish people | Aeoli Pera

  5. Pingback: Evidence for manbonobopig theory of melonheads – 100 kya behavioral revolution coincides with genetic divergence | Aeoli Pera

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