Unironically one of the best depictions of the Easter story out there

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21 Responses to Unironically one of the best depictions of the Easter story out there

  1. broT says:

    Easter confuses me, because if Jesus was entombed on Friday night, how can he be resurrected on Sunday, in the morning? That’s like a full day, and another 12 hours tops.
    But he told them ‘sign of Jonah’, which is 3 days and 3 nights.

    For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.

    ANyone have an explanation? thx

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      I’ve never looked into it. Maybe a pope screwed up the math early on and no one spoke up.

      • broT says:

        Yeah, I did some digging around. Turns out Easter is just pagan shit, all the eggs and bunnies, fertility rites, nothing to do with Jesus, and the timing is just completely wrong.
        Jesus was crucified the day after passover, which is the first day of unleavened bread festival, both of which are in the first month, Abib, which starts on the first new moon after spring equinox. The roans work on the full moon for easter, which is also BS.
        I am dithcing easter, swithcing to passover etc, and will remember Jesus’ sacrifice then.
        Fuck the romans.

    • Zeb Zebley says:

      While the Crucifixion, Burial, and Resurrection are the centerpiece of the literature and get a lot of attention, they’re only part of the total timeline of the 3 Spring feasts. Passover preparation begins on when you invite the lamb into the Home, which was when Christ rode imto Jerusalem on the donkey. he was like their beloved family member for 4 days, and then he was killed in front of the whole assembly. Passover sacrifice on Friday, Unleavened Bread on the Sabbath, where he descending into She’ol or Hell (I’m kinda fuzzy on which is more accurate here), but the symbolism of the OT from what I recall is that he offered the sacrifice of bread without leaven- life without sin. then Firstfruits on Sunday, where the high priest (Jesus here), takes the first grains (the righteous dead of the OT) that ‘are just coming up/ just came up from the earth’ (She’ol), anoints them in oil (the Holy Spirit, the Resurection Body etc), and goes and waves/offers them in front of the holy of holies (God in Heaven) to signify that they are God’s. on Sunday all the exciting stuff on earth happens in the morning, but then the Lord needs to go up to the Father and he can’t touch Mary for some reason (he was ritually prepared to go up to the REAL holy of holies)..these are some of the signs and the schedules a 1st- century Israelite would have paid attention to.

      Sign of Jonah poast incoming l8r, g8r.

  2. Zeb Zebley says:

    Regarding the sign of Jonah, Jesus is recorded speaking about “the sign of the Prophet Jonah” is recorded In two places, Matthew 12 and Luke 11. It’s basically the same thing, so I’ve only included Matthew in context below.

    Matthee 12:38 Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.” 39 He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. 40 For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. 41 The men of Nineveh will stand up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah,and now something greater than Jonah is here.

    I think there are 3 factors at play here- a non sunday-school parroting of the story of Jonah, 2) Some Pope got the date wrong, as it occured to Aeoli, and 3) what the Heart of the Earth (kardia tēs gēs) is.

    Passover prep starts the on the tenth day of the month of Nissan. you bring the lamb into your home. Nissan 10 is a monday, so Palm Sunday is actually Monday. the branches they use refer specifically to the offshoot of the root of Jesse, David’s father. the people mean to say Jesus is the Messiah, and that they do receive him.

    Nissan 11,12,13, Jesus is Preaching and Teaching and punking out the scribes and Pharisses. I think this is what he means whem he says the Heart of the Earth, Among God’s people in Jerusalem.
    3 full days and nights.

    on the 14th he’s beaten and slain. the peoples of the earth have their scapegoat, the Lamb of God which takes away the sin of the World.

    the Big Fish just sounds like Dagon. idk the Parallel but I’d assume God preserved Noah against the God of nineveh and pereserved Jesus against the Gods of the Scribes and Pharisees, Satan, Moloch, Baal, and all the rest.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      If you insist on keeping the big fish, then the proper symbolism would be Leviathan, or in today’s slang “the belly of the beast”.

      • Aeoli Pera says:

        The fun thing is you can compare it to virgin sacrifices to dragons, volcanoes, etc.

        • Zeb Zebley says:

          the Lucifer:Ahriman relationship between getting thrown into Gehena:Xibalba/She’ol jumps out at me but I’ve been reading your blog too much and I am le tired.

      • Zeb Zebley says:

        Yeah, that’s closer.
        still leaves the issue of the storm, and Jonah going down under the foundations of the earth. v interesting.

    • broT says:

      Go and read the day of atonement rules, and you will probably realise the goat sacrificed in the holy place, atoning blood for God. The scapegoat, wrong phrase, it’s a goat for Azazel, the fallen angel who taught men to sin (see Enoch). That goat foreshadows the end times messiah, he won’t be killed, but he will be chased into the wildreness, and persecuted, obviously. But he will prevail, the triumphant messiah.

      • Aeoli Pera says:

        Does the Bible say whether the wildreness is a metaphor for writing your own damn blog, or is it a metaphor for constantly sneaking into other blogs under false names and pretenses?

  3. Happy Easter says:

    So, like…
    When thou seest a man deliberately violating the unconstitutional dictates of the tyrannical coof whisperers, snitch not. For, in the end, all snitches shall receive many stitches. Or something like that, I guess. Basically, what I’m saying is that people should be free to enjoy themselves. Also, like, public health Karens ruin both crazy, wild parties AND wholesome, family-friendly religious activities, which is why they should be opposed by both the insane and the sane alike.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      > Basically, what I’m saying is that people should be free to enjoy themselves.

      Libertarianism is so 2015. We don’t do that around here anymore.

      • The Game Master says:

        I’m NRx, bro. And NRx is slightly less gay than dogmatic lolbert ideology. It’s just that I have some pre-ideological libertarian sentiments which move me to oppose all of these oppressive coof-containment protocols. That doesn’t make me a lolbert, right? RIGHT?! Basically, I want people to be largely free to make their own choices but also to have the self-discipline to avoid yielding to temptation, and that cluster of desires has to interact with consensus reality.

  4. Obadiah says:

    Happy Easter.

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