A modest proposal to shoot every church leader from the deacon level up

(For reference, I’ve been going to a small church for a few weeks with about three dozen members where the average age is 70. I’ve described it to friends and family as “acceptably inoffensive” and the pastor is pretty good.)

So at church last Sunday, the pastor did a digression about terrorists around the world who want to kill us for no reason except because we live freely in America. It put me in mind of a Japanese soldier abandoned on an island still fighting World War 2. I think that was a movie or something that was parodied in Archer. It really typifies the absolute power of the generational divide in America. These people may as well be living on a deserted island with no radio contact for all the understanding they have of people even twenty years younger.

The first day I was there, the pastor introduced himself to me and mentioned that he’s interested in getting more young people. I dread the day when he asks my opinion on that. How do you tell someone that despite his best intentions, his past decisions have formed him such that the best thing he could do is expire and be replaced by a half-wit Twitch streamer who, despite his functional illiteracy, at least has soured on wars in the Middle East? On the other hand, if he cared enough to actually pursue that supposed goal, he probably wouldn’t be living in a cultural fortress of solitude. So that day will probably never come. I think what I’d actually go with is “I’ve thought about it, and I think you need to focus on your strengths and serving the flock God has brought to you.”

But it really illustrates in microcosm the absolute failure of the Western church, as “in the world but not of it” has been interpreted in practice to mean “neither in the world nor of it”. I.e. Christians have given up on understanding literally anything around them. I suspect this is partly to blame for our inability to produce artists. I actually understand them, in contrast. The behavior can be explained as a response to economic precarity. Being in the world even a little bit puts your family in enormous danger. If I had money I’d be spending it on off-the-grid living solutions myself. But I won’t let them off the hook just because there are economic and psychological reasons to self-insulate.

First off, there are levels of insulation. It’s unconscionable to still support the Iraq war, and self-delusion is not a good excuse for treason. If a soldier sent confidential documents to an e-mail address he thought was Q, the military tribunal would laugh that defense out of the courtroom before sentencing him to death. Intention is revealed by patterns of behavior. If someone tells me he desperately seeks God and ten years later he’s never cracked a Bible (or any religious text at all, for that matter), then he’s a liar.

Second off, it doesn’t have to be everyone risking everything all the time. Where are the domestic mission trips? Where’s the baseline interest in what’s going on out there? Where are the service trips? The fact-finding commissions? I’m a big fan of the idea of playing superhero world savior as a side job and in my spare time. If nothing else, it’s a good reason to get up in the morning. You can’t tell me I’m the only single person in the American church with extra time in the evening to do constructive charity work. Those tens of thousands of singles groups might be completely feckless to marry off even one incel with a divorced single mother (the only two demographics you’ll find in singles groups), but they could put soup in bowls in the meantime.

And speaking of extra resources, why are the donors wasting their God-given money? Why does every fucking church plant feel their witness would benefit from a new God-damned building?

This is such a massive failure of leadership at all levels that I’m tempted to call for every church member in the world from the deacon level up to be shot. And any Christian who actually cares about the wretched state of the church would understand the emotion, even if they disagreed with the actual policy. Frankly, it’s worse than the medical system. The reason I’m not particularly upset about Ravi Zacharias’s embezzling and philandering is I still think he was the best the church had on offer. He was a sinner, but he at least gave a shit. At this point I’ll take a high-functioning meth head over all these harmless tubs of Jello.

What is the point of a harmless man? What use is he to anyone? Better to be smothered at birth than grow up to be so completely irrelevant that you may as well have been a vegetable on life support the whole time. That bleeds into a criticism of average Americans, as the Zoom meeting era has demonstrated, but I won’t moralize about Christian values to a population that doesn’t share them. And it’s probably explicable via systemic issues as in David Graeber’s book “Bullshit Jobs”.

tl;dr- Real desire is evidenced by discontent with failure. Therefore the Western church is dead and begs replacement, and it was the duty of church leaders to avoid this fate so they need to remove themselves or be removed. I suppose they could repent and change their lives too, but who ever heard of that happening in the Western church? The only thing Paul Washer did wrong is he didn’t go far enough.

Oh, speaking of, if you’re a pastor and the divorce rate at your church isn’t lower than the demographic average, then you should burn it down and kill yourself legally and with due process in Minecraft.

About Aeoli Pera

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12 Responses to A modest proposal to shoot every church leader from the deacon level up

  1. Aeoli Pera says:

    All right, this was a bit rhetorical. A more realistic proposal is, after admitting the problem, church leaders ought to catalog the lessons learned from its repeated failures. If that list isn’t very long, then the problem is not actually trying. If the list is long, then the problem is more of a realism and technique thing, which can be remedied with education and training in proper technique. This would be a great starting point for anyone who actually cared to acknowledge failure and learn from it.

  2. Obadiah says:

    Two thumbs up.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      Let’s observe the fruits of your experiment on yourself in the form of Cyborganize.

      The selling point, if you’ll recall, was to increase executive function. The actual result has been to direct your attention toward the sensational- those things that, if they turned out to be true, would be the most salient. In effect, it turned an INTJ into an ENTP, which is interesting enough. The result has been to produce a tabloid so completely removed from practical interest that it fails any internally consistent prerogative that could rationalize its existence. Granting the truth of everything you write, it’s not scholarship, advertising, whistleblowing, fish, fowl, nor good red meat.

      In sum, you have no ground to stand on to criticize the leaders I’m criticizing, as you’re among the worst of them. The so-called War on Terror may be cringe, but it at least refers to events that happened.

      • what says:

        Granted that I’ve only been using cyborganize for three days so far, learning emacs took about a week, I see a massive amount of potential if it’s used correct. If the wetware of the mind is sufficiently prepared to handle ruthless critique, which I think the best method of learning is through Kant, it can be very useful. The only danger is investing too much time into ideas that have no actionable basis in reality, but even then those could be useful, in the same way fiction is useful. For someone like me who don’t have many people I can talk to, or rather no one, it’s reassuring to know I can have a very, very, very long discussion with myself on topics I find of interest. It’s a form of elaborated verbal thinking and should be accepted as such.

        Learning languages would be much easier with cyborganize. Your interpretation of its process as a tabloid is misguided and mostly betrays your lack of understanding. Rather, it’s Koanic being Koanic, it would produce different results for different people. Of course I submit to your opinion on the subject given that you’ve known, and talked with, Koanic for much longer than I have, the latter of which (talking) I haven’t even done, therefore my opinion should be disregarded if it’s fundamentally misunderstood. If Koanic is at all wrong I’d trust, if he is capable of consistency, that he’ll break out of any delusion eventually.

      • Obadiah says:

        Quadloid hands typed this post.

        I used to foolishly believe that God made the moon for the seasons, and that he put the moon and other lights in the heavens to separate day from night, and to show signs, days and years.

        However, now that I have witnessed the truth, I now understand that the moon was in fact built by the ant people.

        This is the sort of hard-hitting and personally-empowering knowledge that will help us serve and glorify God to the best of our unique potentials.

  3. bicebicebice says:

    hit up any mosque in the west and they talk about 1: jihad 2: jihad to increase “extremism” (the particular faith in question being the state doctrine), Christinaity in the west died when church and state separated etc etc itz just a bunch of boomers reminiscing about the cia drug music of the 60s and how great white genocide is….however the people in your vicinity are your neighbours BUT if they aint be true THALS even the left tells you to fuck those imposters https://nypost.com/2021/11/27/canadian-indigenous-health-expert-carrie-bourassa-fired-for-faking-heritage/ *

    …so you see, itz all about that blood soil and usurption take over that church niggah bully the boomers with sermons of hellfire because they be going to hell or try an orthodox church maybe?

    *Far from being a member of the Métis nation, as she had long claimed, a laborious trace of Bourassa’s family tree revealed that her supposedly indigenous ancestors were in fact immigrant farmers who hailed from Russia, Poland, and Czechoslovakia.

    “It makes you feel a bit sick,” said Janet Smylie, a Métis professor at the University of Toronto who worked with Bourassa on a book about indigenous parenting.

    “To have an impostor who is speaking on behalf of Métis and indigenous people to the country about literally what it means to be Métis … that’s very disturbing and upsetting and harmful.”

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