Gamers are bad people

Gamers are the worst people on the planet as a direct result of taking games seriously, because without fail they latch on to the most retarded aspects of games and demand more of the retardation from game developers.

An example of this is “juggling” in fighting games. A normal person playing a fighting game who’s being “juggled” by a competitive player will have a common sense response that “that’s basically cheating, it looks retarded, it’s exploiting game mechanics that clearly weren’t intended to be there, it’s stupid, and I don’t want to play this game anymore.” But a GAMER is someone who takes their GAMING seriously, so they’ll respond by GAMING the system and taking this little glitch in the game mechanics as far as it will go. Because it’s COMPETITIVE and they’re IN IT TO WIN IT. And then they’ll demand balanced juggling mechanics in the next iteration of the fighting game and get butthurt if the glitch is taken out of the game because now it’s a TRADITIONAL COMPETITIVE GAME MECHANIC. So the result is that games get more and more retarded over time and, more importantly, less immersive.

I’ll take a moment in this rant to mention that I think video games are generally a good thing. But market demand from GAMERS ruins them at every opportunity. That’s why triple-A games all suck, it’s because they have to respond to market demand. Indie games are allowed to be good because they have their own ideas about what makes games good, and they tell the gamers to go fuck themselves, and the gamers love it.

As I mentioned at the beginning, gamers are bad people as a direct result of being useless people. It’s because they identify with a useless hobby so they want it to be SERIOUS as a way of compensating. I often complain that modern video games feel like white collar job simulators. That’s because GAMERS demand features that turn their games SERIOUS so they can think SERIOUSLY about things like optimizing their builds and all kinds of bullshit like that. The more an action RPG is like trading financial derivatives, the more they praise it for its complex combat mechanics.

These people all need to shut up and fucking die. If they were doing anything moderately useful with their lives they wouldn’t want to have a part-time job studying the mechanics of Elden Ring so they can optimize a wisdom build. Fuck that shit, when I play a fantasy RPG it’s not because I want to stream it to other people who are taking notes so they can optimize their own playstyles, it’s because I want to immerse myself in a fairy tale for half an hour and make normal life seem a little less shitty by association. But no, we have this sick society full of Peter Pan syndrome retards who want to stack poison effects on their burn effects so they can trade mana for dext at 13% above crit and auto-generate the cover sheets on the TPS reports for their SPEEDRUN GAMER STREAM.

I forget, am I playing an anime adventure with a children’s toy or investing in real estate? Either way we gotta grind bro, we gotta leverage these family units and get into hotels bro. Watch this Grant Cardone video, this dude had his epic mount at the age of 25, it’s fuckin’ crazy bro.

Speaking of speed runs, there’s absolutely no better way to squander the immersion of any world than speedrunning. Naturally, gamers DEMAND MORE. They’re like “I don’t have time for your opera scene, one of the most beloved and iconic scenes in video game history, because I’m trying to shave MILLISECONDS off my SPEEDRUN to generate views on my GAMER STREAM.”

So now we have these credit swap derivative financial instrument game mechanic systems, and of course that means you need to have little tooltips popping up at the most immersion-breaking moments for the first three hours of any game, because God forbid the dialogue writers have a spare moment to draw you in. I call this initial three hours of modern games “tooltip hell”.

So you have the scene of Sephiroth stabbing Aeris and Cloud holding her dying body in his arms and then you get a popup that says “Use the right shoulder button to swap dildos in your butthole skill slot so you can stack derivatives for status effect combos on your timesheet!” And there will be a little animated gif of Cloud doing a spin attack with Disney particle effects from the burn/poison stack on his modified fierce attack. Is this an e-learning simulator? Am I doing e-learnings for my bullshit office job right now?

This is all because gamers want to be SERIOUS about something that doesn’t matter at all because they’ve spent their adult lives being UNSERIOUS about everything in life that matters. They have no concept of self-sacrifice, so their suppressed desire to be serious people can only be expressed through a dopaminergic consumer experience that reminds them of childhood, a time when they could actually enjoy games because no one cared about their demands for SERIOUS games that would suck all the vitality out of the experience. Because, as my thesis stated, they are the worst people on the planet.

I actually like video games. I think they’re a great idea and have more potential than any other art form because of the feedback mechanism. But I HATE gamers. They compulsively seek out beautiful things and destroy them with their God-damned uselessness. They’re worse than anime people. They’re worse than furries.

Anyway, that was a good rant. I’ve had that on the brain for a while.

About Aeoli Pera

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19 Responses to Gamers are bad people

  1. ShadoHand says:

    Juggling is not cheating. Go into training an figure it out. I know every combo in Street Fighter II and Soul Caliber IV.

    Also playing as Smoke in Ultimate Mortal Combat 3 is not cheating. Its just simply not. Learn how to counteract his combos if you cant beat the gamer playing as him.

    Also, for what its worth, I am of the opinion that crouching with Oddjob in Goldeneye 64 is not cheating. Its a mechanic that is built into the game, and any serious player would utilize it to his advantage.

    Source: I’ve had a controller thrown at my head.

  2. LOADED says:

    hey you take that back! i play Madden and FIFA and dominate the Madden and play well in FIFA.

    I may be low T but my Madden 23 record is already 25-19 giving me a ranking of circa 3500 in the top 100000 online ranking! give me my props young negro!

  3. The Splendiferous Boneflour says:

    I read some article talking about how Gaming isn’t relaxing, per se. It creates a bigger problem than real life that feels SO GOOD to solve. “I can’t take out the trash right now, I’m in the middle of a Raid! My Guild needs me, Mom!”

  4. Nota Bene Boneflour says:

    NB: I play a lot of videogames. xD

  5. aiaslives says:

    Who hurt you?

    Anyway, yeah you’re right. People who cry about “muh balins” are also huge retards. Sometimes having a cheat or an easy “unbalanced” way out is part of the charm.

    Video games aren’t always shit. They can be very entertaining and local multiplayer games that EVERYONE can play are awesome (like that cooking game that I don’t remember the name for). Playing video games for more than, say, four hours a week definitely means you’re ignoring real life in favor of muh dopamine.

    People into speedrunning/glitching are unironic retard soyboys who never grew out of wearing diapers. They could be putting that effort into LITERALLY anything else, but no way, I gotta heckin glitch my way out of this to save 0.00000000000001 seconds off my personal best! bada bing bada boom wahoo! Anyone that has a nintendo switch or plays anything on a nintendo is an unironic baby. I’ll make an exception for octogenarians staying in shape using Wii motion games.

    >muh game has hours of onboarding
    You should stop playing 3d games.
    If you haven’t played Grimoire yet, you should. It’s actually awesome.
    If you’re looking to STOP playing video games, try playing Audiosurf. It’s not bad, it’s just an interactive music visualizer.

    The easiest way out if you can’t stop BADA BING BADA BOOM WAHOO is to not have a graphics card. You will literally not be able to play anything 3D post 2016. Problem solved.

    Games that go on forever are literally a crime. Playing online multiplayer games means you’re burning your time away. Just stop.

    (Personal) List of video games worth a damn (professional gaymers please note: I have less than 1000 lifetime hours of experience. I have played <5 3D games) :
    – Transistor
    – Bastion
    – Audiosurf
    – N++ (in moderation, it's practically digital Speed)
    – Braid
    – Super Meat Boy (First two worlds only, never bothered to play past those cuz too difficult)
    – Grimwah
    – Batman Arkham City
    – Hades

    Haven't played most of these in years.

  6. Zeb Zebley says:

    BRB on my way to optimize my speedrun of optimizing way into becoming a soul-haver by injecting 5,000 baroque architecture instagram posts directly into my brainstem through Mark Suckerberg’s METAmatrix Portal so I’ll never have to have a difficult or meaningful conversation ever again.

    P.S. I now know that Sigma Grindsetting to the aim of Perfect Kung Fu is the meaning of life (obviously)

    I see this ergic drive to get the smallest things as dudebrain run wild. I’m sure there’s more to say about it but I really just wanted to shitpost.

  7. Watatsumi says:

    My baby boomer grandma saw me playing Monster Hunter World and she remarked on how incredibly complicated the menus were.

    • Aeoli Pera says:

      That was my response too. It’s funny how modern games will take something that really appeals to me like “Berserk after the Eclipse” (Elden Ring) or “hunt woolly mammoths” (Monster Hunter World) and turn them into the Microsoft 365 experience.

  8. Robotnick says:

    Not entirely related but Dan Aykroyd’s Aspergers struck gold with this movie imo.

    Panned by critics harshly at the time, but to me there was something profoundly funny about the entire movie and especially the main villain.

  9. ww says:

    “Mater tortures lightning Mcqueen’s cock and balls simulator” is my favorite game if you were asking.

    Otherwise yes literally the most accurate poastz on the post page.

  10. Wanderghost says:

    See the book “Playing to Win” for the opposite view ( Me, I basically just do single-player offline. I’ll admit I do read wikis to finish side missions and occasionally exploit glitches to do some weird variants of games I already finished.

    By the way, you got me into reading Berserker. Very good start and the reader can just keep chewing down chapters. But now I’m at chapter 260 and Guts has somehow acquired no less than seven cutesy useless eaters and the story seems to be going nowhere. The rot set in when monkey boy joined. Also, there is this weird vibe of specifically blonde women getting tortured, raped, murdered in large numbers in the background. Well, I’ll see how it turns out.

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