How IT decisions happen

I’m not saying this is every single time, just every single time that I’ve seen.

  1. The tech people give their recommendation for the $50 million German product that works.
  2. The business people take embarrassingly small bribes (often sexual favors) from the company with the $25 million New Jersey product that only pretends to work but the sales guy was a clean, articulate negro.
  3. The tech people roll over like wet noodles because “it’s not our job to make value judgments hurr durr”.
  4. The business people pound the table like five-year-olds demanding ice cream for dinner.
  5. The project runs way over time and ends up costing $100 million.
  6. The business people are like “This looks bad for accounting we need to go live IMMEDIATELY.”
  7. The tech people are like “That will cause the loss of literally all our core business functions.” Please refer to the burn-down chart*.
  8. The business people are like “Fuck it, we’re doin’ it LIVE yee-haw!” (This must be what the NASA engineers felt like when they made shuttle launch decisions on cocaine and Xanax!)
  9. The business grinds to a complete halt for 1-6 weeks. The fiasco hits local news and the CEO has to fly home early from her green energy conference in Jamaica with her hair still in cornrows to tell everyone that everything is normal and fine. (In the rush she forgets to delete sexually compromising pictures and videos from her company phone,, which leak a couple of years later.)
  10. The business people pound the table like five-year-olds because nothing works anymore (because the demo was faked, imagine my shock). They don’t have any other life skills because you don’t get a business degree unless your goal in life is to not work hard and not understand how anything works (i.e. regress to a five-year-old).
  11. Only half the functionality can be rebuilt from scratch because it’s all proprietary and only the vendor can make changes, and their customer service is as good as their product. They’re too busy to support old sales because they’re out making new sales and new fake products with fake demos.
  12. Half the business’s functions disappear forever because rolling things back would be admitting failure.
  13. The business people quit, add “Launched $100 million software project” to their resumes, and move to jobs with bigger responsibilities.

In conclusion, technical professionals need to learn the negotiating value of throwing a shit-fit and stop pretending to be disinterested moderates. Oh, and if there are any dominatrixes out there, you could be making a lot more per hour by “selling” corporate software on commission to the sorts of guys who have “launched $100 million software project” on their resumes, because they have this strange desire to be treated like five-year-olds.


*This is a real-life example burn-down chart at the tail-end of a 3-year, $100 million software installation project:

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3 Responses to How IT decisions happen

  1. aiaslives says:

    Bigtech is Bigtech because they mostly hire people based on what they know. This is changing, anyway, and these companies are coasting on their reputations.

    “Chaos Monkeys” is a good read.

    Rackspace used to be a super-reliable company. People used to leave AWS and put their stuff on rackspace. AWS was easy to get into, difficult to get out and the billing was horrendous. Rackspace is shit these days. Their service goes down periodically, they don’t take calls and there’s basically no guarantee. The only projects they host (they host many of them) are the ones that people put money into but don’t really need. Their employees are all moving away. This is because someone bought the company not for the work it did but for the money it represented and fired all the good people.

    https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27776357
    https://old.reddit.com/r/rackspace/comments/nmd1um/whats_going_on_with_rackspace/

    > Posting from a throwaway. I’m a former “racker”, was there for over 10 years. I’ve been gone for a while, but I’ll tell you what I saw. Upper management was practically a revolving door. Departments could count on being under a leader for _maybe_ six months before there would be a reorganization or a replacement leader, so priorities were constantly changing. But, in technical areas (development, support, etc.) there was often a push to cut costs by laying off workers and/or relocating jobs outside the US to cheaper locales. That meant that anyone who knew products or systems had that threat hanging over their heads, so why stick around? Even frontline support was being sent overseas, and of course during the pandemic it’s not like the US-based trainers were training face to face. Of course, everything from leadership was “everything is awesome!” and constantly claiming that the polling said it was a fantastic place to work, but the dissatisfaction in the technical areas was palpable. I know so many people who thought it would be a place they’d work forever to a company they couldn’t stand.

    Most people don’t need computers. They don’t deserve them, they don’t understand them. Most big IT projects resemble a matryoshka doll, with the guy actually typing out the useful code being paid the least. “Idea” people are worse than useless. “Product Management” is a meme. Even Microsoft has given up on actually making things and is slowly moving towards making a linux-based pay-to-use OS.

    Spend a few hours everyday in front of a computer trying to get real things done on your own and you’ll see that 99% of all software is superflous BS. It’s just a way to get paid, everything that is done with 9000 frameworks and bundles and managers and container containers and their managers can actually be done well by a single motivated guy over a few weeks with a computer that was manufactured 20 years ago, with almost zero requirement for “paid” shitware. It’s the retarded Monkey KUSTOMER that thinks text-only tables will make him cry blood that needs rounded corners and everything with animashuns that require a quad core CPU and btw he’ll sacrifice on the functionality as long as you tell him shit works. Even if it doesn’t, just say yes and he’ll agree to buy your product (*cough* applefags *cough*).

    IT isn’t the software industry, it’s the hardware industry. CS graduates can’t even change a lightbulb. It’s all the real engineering people that get shit done. You’ve met 9000 “fullstack” coders, but how many IC specialists have you ever witnessed? How many people have you known to harbour an interest in how a semiconductor really works? How many reports have you had of a processor somehow fucking up on the most basic functionality it promises?

    There’s some really weird disconnect between competency and paper credentials. People that hire for IT don’t give a shit about the former, even though all the companies suffer from its lack. It’s completely baffling how they’re oblivious to such an obvious truth.

    IT has the highest number of people that are on the top of the D-K curve. I think it’s because unlike most things, computers have been the only “real tech” that has progressed by several orders of magnitude in “realism” without the majority of humanity needing to do anything. This signals to monkey brains that yes, they are born winnarz because they were picking snot from their nose and it just worked. This means that the people actually putting in the effort must be fucking stupid. Hence they’re paid less.

    This effect can be seen in many places — unruly teenagers that think their parents are idiots, people that obsessively debate TV shows / movies, watching sports obsessively, watching wrestling, city dwellers that fail to keep their tiny plants alive, finance people that’ll side with the devil for alpha, etc.

    I’d like to tentatively call this the “unemployed immigrant effect” (I’m sure someone has thought about this before…)

    This is also why the #1 way to get more respect and more jobs as a IT consultant is to charge more. Just charge more. People will think you’re a jeenius. It’s that easy. You need more respect? Just preen more. That “banksy” painting? Better than the Sistine Chapel.

    We don’t live in clownworld. We live in monkeyworld, and we’re the clowns. Honk honk, sorry doctor, but I am the guy whose show you attended yesterday and yes, I am depressed.

    Putting apes in cages should be a crime.

  2. ShadoHand says:

    IT decisions should be made based upon three simple criteria:
    1) Solve once, solve forever.
    2) When there are outages have backups in place ready to go
    3) Every level of the IT system must function this way

    Complex IT systems need to be functioning 24/7. Always on is a necessity. There will be black swans, but having the backups in place and ready allows you to keep operating. Those backups must be maintained in a way that they can be quickly deployed as failsafes.

    The issues arise in the human element. Many IT guys are hired to do specific jobs, and refuse to understand the underlying connections between the different parts in the system.

    Once I was asked to fix an IT system after the system admin disappeared for five days. I began to construct the system following these three simple criteria. The time it was taking was not to leaders liking. More impatience on his part. So I deferred to his decision to hire someone to oversee the position. However, instability arose once the weekend came around, and certain systems reset. The guy employed to IT didn’t understand a few of us, including The Leader, worked on the weekend. We needed the in house systems running. This meant no internet when the routers reset. We had backups but the workarounds were being used at a rate that was incompatible with our time tables. Every weekend we had to us USB dongles, or venture out into enemy held territory to get reliable reception.

    I was then told “You have full responsibility of the IT department again.” I finished my other assigned tasks and got to work late into the evening. The system worked flawlessly with only normal and standard downtime (i.e. bandwith issues). I also took into account our INFOSEC, and it was flawless.

    The old IT guy then reappeared and tried to control the situation. We butted heads, before I took a step back, as the only option was violence to quell his insubordination. A declaration of war as we were deep behind enemy lines. Everything went to crap again, and the truth was revealed that it wasn’t me and my mode of operation was vastly superior to the standard business model. The only argument this dude had was that “You changed the default admin password.” I responded “Well of course I did. How do you think I was able to access the routers and our network without your help? You left our systems extremely vulnerable to enemy attack by leaving all the passwords as the default one.”

    TLDR: MPAI

  3. MM says:

    “Some people are extraordinarily good at knowing the limits of their knowledge because they have to be. Think of a professional tightrope walker for 20 years. He’s worked so hard at it, because he knows if he gets it wrong he won’t survive. The survivors know.”- Munger.

    As always, abundance ruins competency and life itself. Frankly, its amazing that there is as much competence in business management as there is after a near century of “line just goes up if u wait” (specifically though after 08 where everyone in the know knows the fed will just bail everything out). Anyone actually trying to make a competent company certainly isn’t doing it for just the money, or they would trade or be like Nikola (the Tesla ripoff) or many of the 2021 SPACs, or Ryan Cohen, or Virgin Galactic, or would do what most do and just wait for their contractual stock options plus equity to have them set for life (thus they do the bare min to achieve this).

    Things will be getting horrific soon enough in markets, but of course the last thing anyone will allow is for the chickens to come home to roost and so the wealthy retards will be given another round of (your) money as soon as that is either politically expedient (inflation comes down, to likely immediately rise upon fed printing unless things are even worse than I think) or must be done to ensure stability (eta on FX swap line with JPY from the Fed?)

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