Review of “An Aspie’s Guide to Intimacy, Dating, Sex and Marriage”

This book is destroying my good opinion of Tony Attwood. The best-case scenario is that he put his name on it without reading it, which is still bad.

It’s billed as a collection of short essays from aspies who’ve achieved success in relationships, referred to as “mentors”. But it’s filled with bad advice from really dysfunctional people rationalizing their failures who repeatedly admit they haven’t learned anything. I want to skim and do a quick survey of the essay authors to learn how many are married with children, but I already know it’s a tiny minority. (It might actually be zero, although I’d like to confirm that.) The editors should know better than to publish an essay about how becoming a cat lady who doesn’t understand dating and relationships is a success story. Luckily it’s a very short book, so I won’t have to put up with it much longer. Hard no on the recommendation.

There are good points sprinkled in the vomit but you would have to already know which points were good to benefit from them. I continue to wonder who the fuck this book was actually written for. Tumblr? As a representative sample, here’s the ending of an essay by an attractive aspie girl who gave herself to a cavalcade of rich men but couldn’t handle their social calendars, then this so-called mentor closes out her little advice column by she hasn’t learned anything and doesn’t know what you should do:

In these past years, I have evolved to the point of not having any interest in finding a man. Frankly, I don’t see where I could squeeze one into my schedule.

Trust is another big factor that plays into my thoughts on relationships. In this day and age, I would find it extremely difficult to trust anyone. All I have to do is look on the TV or listen to co-workers to hear of infidelity. Aside from the emotional matters of the heart, there are way too many sexually transmitted diseases to get. People these days treat sex very casually, like it’s just a sport. The romantic era is gone forever. With all that said, if I did meet someone who struck my fancy, a romance would have to blossom from a friendship first.

As for dating, I have no clue about all the rules of the dating game—and “game” it is. I find it both exhausting and entertaining to listen to neurotypicals (NTs) and their rules for dating. Either I like somebody or I don’t. All the games people play are beyond me. I also realize I’d need to meet a guy on the spectrum for it to work. I’d make time for a good man if I found one.

In the meantime, I’ve got plenty to do!

An Aspie’s Guide to Intimacy, Dating, Sex and Marriage

What a useless human being. It’s criminal that this is presented to a vulnerable population as “advice”. Naivete is the #1 symptom of Asperger’s. This is some really insidious shit. The only worse book I’ve ever read on relationships was the ultra-Puritan Every Young Man’s Battle wherein the author explains how he trained himself not to look lustfully at his wife’s butt when she leans over (not making that up).

I don’t know how or when Asperger’s and Christianity and whatever else became excuses for being a useless fuckwit but it needs to stop.

About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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3 Responses to Review of “An Aspie’s Guide to Intimacy, Dating, Sex and Marriage”

  1. what says:

    Negative utilitarianism except it’s negative theology, if suffering is bad then reducing all suffering is good, and the only way to insure that is through annihilation. Compare to, if all evil is bad, then reducing the amount of evil done is good, and the only way to insure that is to do nothing, since the outcome of actions isn’t concretely known.

    >the author explains how he trained himself not to look lustfully at his wife’s butt when she leans over

    I assume he only looks at her butt respectfully instead.

  2. bicebicebice says:

    “In these past years, I have evolved to the point of not having any interest in finding a man. Frankly, I don’t see where I could squeeze one into my schedule.

    In the meantime, I’ve got plenty to do!”

    damn it really do be like that when the the female side of a K-species be K too, itz incredibly self-regulatory population wise, gonna need a lot more nasal spray to push it up to Texs number of 80 billion thards on planet earth (without breaking the resources that be with current technology)

  3. Mr. T. says:

    I guess it’s titled incorrectly then, maybe a better one would be something like “Lived experiences of aspies trying to date and have sex.” And the content could be pretty much like that sample of yours: not much success. No help to others, but often relatable.

    I have read quite often Reddit’s “aspergers” and “aspergirls” subreddit’s and these topics do come up frequently. Occasionally there are people who have had success, but not too often. It’s a big problem and dating and not getting abused in the process takes a lot of skills, it’s not an easy problem. Might take decades of reading, observation, application and study, including disappointments.

    But yes, you would need something like PUA for (Christian) aspies with all the mental models included (or Mark Manson’s Models book, which I remember was good.) Mystery Method was good. Lack of instincts and instinctual learning of social behavior is a big disablity, especially if your not that smart. IQ probably helps in figuring things out a lot, I feel bad for not-so-smart aspies (and I’m not super smart myself).

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