Fun raccoon story

I’m detoxing from caffeine right now, so you’ll have to settle for low-rent entertainment for a couple of days.

Anyway, today I learned that raccoons don’t have a very good sense of smell. I was sitting outside around midnight staring at nothing when I saw four huge raccoons heading from the woods to the dumpster. This is something I see most nights walking to and from work, so it was a predictable sort of entertainment and when they got out of sight I paid them no further mind. Well, maybe I should have because thirty seconds later one of them popped around the corner and suddenly I was sitting less than two feet away from four twenty-pound furballs full of claws and teeth. The option of making noise to scare them off was suddenly untenable, because they might have gotten a little too excited and left me with some souvenirs.

That left me with the options to fight, flee, or freeze. I froze and tried to keep my fear down to avoid giving off that particular scent while they explored my feet and ankles. Clearly this spot was part of their nightly routine because they were very curious about this new piece of scenery. One of them pawed gently at my shins to figure out what I was (two thirds of a coon’s sensory cortex is dedicated to interpreting touch), and maybe deciding whether to climb up into my lap. Not on the first date, young lady! Another stood on his hind legs to get a better look at me.

Luckily, they left after a minute or so without starting any trouble. Otherwise I might have had to destroy them with my street fighting skills. I go all out man, you don’t even know, it’s way more intense than your pajama krotty.

About Aeoli Pera

Maybe do this later?
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9 Responses to Fun raccoon story

  1. Koanic says:

    Republicans and raccoons are natural enemies. If they had scented that you voted Romney, they would’ve swarmed you in a lethal cuck-coon.

  2. Rime says:

    This reminds me of the time a skunk and I walked right into each other. Took a midnight walk to think through things and get some exercise all at the same time. Got so up in my own head that stink-weasel and I were within ten feet of each other before either of us noticed. Skunks are so used to everything giving them a wide berth that they don’t pay much attention to their surroundings. We both froze for a few moments out of shock. On instinct I squared myself, making myself as big as possible in the hopes of scaring it off. I tensed my legs ready to rush in for a punting kick or to stomp it’s head in. Jupiter’s dog must of got a bad feeling and ran off as quick as a rabbit.

    My T levels must have shot through the roof for a month.

    • Koanic says:

      You could’ve gotten skunk shot in the roof of your mouth for a month.

      • Rime says:

        Thanks grandma! Next time I’ll pay more attention to where I’m going.

        I embraced the suck. I was too close to get out of range as they can spray immediately and shoot up to 60 feet, my best option was to scare it off and failing that, kill it. If we killed off every skunk that has no run reflex when encountering people and dogs we wouldn’t have to worry about’em just like we dont worry about coyotes and wolves anymore.

        If you or your dog gets sprayed peanut butter and tomato juice baths work to get rid of the smell fairly quickly.

        • Koanic says:

          In order for your behavior to make sense, skunks need to be more likely to spray retreating targets than aggressive targets. Or to be unable to spray while running.

          You weren’t going to catch it on foot to kill it, so the only thing at stake was you personally getting sprayed.

          If everyone charged through minefields, there would be fewer mines and legs.

          • Rime says:

            I acquiesce. A tactically stupid decision with a lucky pay off.

            I’ll let you know that I am fond of taking risks when playing sports, games, and in physically hazardous situations. This started happening early twenties whereas before I was too skittish and small to these things. Is this a TT or MT thing?

            • Koanic says:


              Insufficient info to answer your question. Look at digit ratio and secondary testosteronization first. Work from there.

    • Jdc says:

      We don’t have skunks where I live(NZ) but I have smelled the spray as it was sold as a repellent for a while. It’s uh, unique.

  3. bicebicebice says:

    You forgot the fourth option, bribe! If you rattled your grocery bags near the hedges and bushes in Vancouver, they would magically appear. I thought it was hilarious, but I always kept my distance, somewhere deep down, I knew the niceness of the racoons depended on how much sugar they had cranked that day.

    They remind me of a cat, a fox and a monkey all in one. With some nice rabies to boot.

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