I’m a pretty good writer. Not great, but just barely good enough to know what great looks like. On top of that, I have a talent for spiritual discernment which puts me in about the 99.9999th percentile, or one in a million. If you have more of a pagan bent, you can think of me as a seer or one of those people with an eye in their foreheads.
You may recall I’ve been asking for prayer for a family situation. I almost regret it because the answer to this prayer had me balling my eyes out on the way to work today like a little girl just thinking about the sheer awesomeness of God. When I asked him to please help in any way he chose, there is nothing except the Bible that could have prepared me for what I’ve seen him do. Don’t get me wrong, the situation looks darker than ever and any sensible person would tell me to walk away from these people and never look back. But I’ve seen a glimpse of something it would take me a decade to write down and analyze, and it would relate a psychodrama greater than any classic movie we’ve ever discussed here, save only the Anti-Triumph of the crucifixion and resurrection. Never let anyone bullshit you that God is some kind of passionless force of nature with no personality—forces of nature do not write like this. It’s no exaggeration to say I’ve seen him using chiaroscuro and other lighting techniques as metaphors for the ways people treat each other using truth and deception. And this is just a glimpse, because a vessel can only hold so much.
I’m struggling to pull myself into a semblance of reason before my new supervisor gets in so I don’t put him off.
The best part is that even though the situation looks darker than ever, I’ve never had such an absolute certainty that God has taken a personal interest in this crazy little family scattered halfway across the country because there is no other explanation on earth or in heaven for all of the symbolism and metaphors or the absolute perfection of the drama. Imagine that moment when Dostoevsky hits you in the eye, except it’s real life, it’s a better story than anything a literary genius ever wrote, and the mere prelude makes sense of all your suffering and the suffering of the people you love going back into the depths of childhood. No wait, I have a better way to describe it. It’s an anti-Ego death—where your entire worldview crumbles around you in Ego death, this is more like your actual world crumbling into dust and the dust settling into the shape of a cathedral hovering in the air on ferromagnetic risers, with the trajectory of each speck of dust predestined since the dawn of time to fall into a preordained location. And some of those specks you know you tracked in on your shoes, which means God understood your heart and mind well enough to predict your steps and write them into the canon. This is the power of God taking a single glance at us when we called out to him. I have absolute certainty he will follow through on what he’s promised—provided each of us will allow him to do it.
It’s like I told my family yesterday: we’re all smart enough that the details of the solution will get figured out, the only question we each have to answer is whether we can decide we want to solve our problems. I’m not saying I’m a Calvinist now, far from it, because each individual in this story still has to make a choice about where they want to go. Nobody can go inside the heart of another person with a soldering iron and connect neurons so they make one decision or another, that’s far beyond our capacity as humans (I’m speaking in metaphor here). But if they call out to God and say “I am yours, therefore do with me whatever will glorify you most” then he will do exactly that, and in ways we could never see coming. That is what redemption means.
For reasons I can’t explain now, what I’ve seen means there is also hope for Christians living in America because God wants to give us a chance to make the choice to come back to him before giving America the Sodom and Gomorrah treatment. Only he knows what form the solution will take, but I can assure you the details will get figured out and it will have to get much worse before it gets better because all of the historical neuroses of this country will have to get sorted out. The problems facing us are so absurdly large that the solution will have to be hundreds of times more absurdly large, but God can handle it. I’m not a prophet—repeat: NOT a prophet—but I can say this with the certainty of a prophet because I’ve seen a corner of the great tapestry personally. If I didn’t have to participate in the story right now I would quit everything and write it down, so for now I’ll content myself with taking notes.
This is a hope I never thought I’d feel short of heaven, but it’s better than that. The war for the soul of the West is already won, we just have to ask for it. I know that regardless of what any of us decides, God will be glorified, and there is truly nothing else that matters. This is a faith worth fighting for.